I Thank God for My Cancer

"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness" Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. " 2 Corinthians 12:9

I was very much encouraged several months ago reading an article by John Piper called "Don't waste your cancer." He wrote it on the night before his prostate surgery, being diagnosed with prostate cancer. In his intro, he states "Cancer is not wasted when it is healed by God. He gets the glory and that is why cancer exists." Cancer is no stranger to me or my family as we have seen it take the lives of several family members.

It has become much more personal to me as I was diagnosed with a rare form of Ovarian Cancer two months ago (Nov.) In retrospect, I may have experienced "early symptoms" but only dismissed them because the shooting pains were only a discomfort and few and far between. It wasn't until early October, I began to experience intense pain, pain that finally drove me to see my doctor. I was sure I had a UTI, informed my doctor, and was given antibiotics; I was told that I would start feeling better after a couple of days, but the pain grew more intense and frequent. After several days, I returned to see my actual PCP; she performed a pelvic exam and detected a large mass.

The Monday following, I was seen by a GYN Specialist and was told that surgery was inevitable and scheduled for the following week (Oct 20th) in Sacramento; it was the only way they can determine if the tumor was cancerous or not.

Much fear encompassed my mind and my heart the night before my surgery, but in the morning, God met with me. This was an email I sent out to faithful brothers and sisters that were praying for me:

As time draws nearer to my surgery (5 hours and counting), I am blessed with a morning such as this: to be able to go before a Holy King and simply worship Him. This morning I was lead to Pslam 33 - it begins with "Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous! For praise from the upright is beautiful.." I was brought this morning simply to ponder on the works of our Mighty Father for "the word of the Lord is right and all His work is done in truth". Further on in the chapter, it reminded me that He alone created the heavens and the earth. But what encouraged me most was the last 7 verses:

" No king is saved by the multitude of an army, A mighty man is not delivered by great strength, a horse is a vain hope for safety, neither shall it delver any by its great strength.." (vs 16,17)

God's word has shown me the folly of my heart; I was relying on man and all the tests that are coming back "normal." I was even relying on my surgeon who is one of the top specialist for my condition rather than the Great Physician who created the heavens and the earth. Then I was given this promise: (vs 18-22)

"Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, On those who hope in His mercy, to deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord, He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, because we have trusted in His Holy name. Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, Just as we hope in You."

God's word has lead me to simply worship, praise, and thank Him for this trial.

My surgery, which was suppose to last 5 hours, only lasted 2 1/2 hours. The surgeon stated that "under the microscope the tumor did not look like cancer" but of course we would have to wait on the full pathology report - which could take up to 3 weeks.

During those 3 weeks, I didn't even think about the tumor - I was just glad that it was gone from my body. The day we found out was the day before my daughter's 3rd birthday; I thought the appointment was going to be a routine, post-surgery appointment. Although the word "cancer" never proceeded out of the mouth of my surgeon, I knew I had cancer by the type of tumor I had - an Immature Teratoma. My doctor said that I fell in the mid-scale of patients that didn't need chemotherapy yet...Hum.. "yet?" Interesting choice of words!! The good news was that, as of right now, surgery was the only treatment I needed. Although because of the rare form of tumor (again cancer was never said), I needed to be followed-up every 3 months.

Poor Mike, he had no idea that the doctor, indirectly, was telling us I had cancer. I had to sit down and tell him as we sat down for dinner that night. Several days later, I called my surgeon to find out more about my cancer and what stage I was in; I was speechless and ill-prepared with questions during my follow-up. He stated I was in stage 1C - meaning the cancer had not spread outside of my right ovary and we can still have children - PRAISE GOD!!

Well, 3 months have passed and I will be going in next week for my follow-up. In all honesty, I had planned on updating the blog with this entry weeks after my surgery, but I could not convey with words what I wanted to say, deleting up to 3 drafts before settling with this one. I was just not ready to thank God for my cancer, but now I can.

I am very thankful for this trial, for it reminds me of my frail-human-clay of a body and the power of my heavenly Father. I literally wake up every morning thanking God I am alive and to not waste my life...my cancer...

"Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life"